One of my best friends cut me loose tonight. It’s sad cause we have been there for each other as mates and loved each other like brothers. He’s cut off contact with virtually everyone except the gf.
It was only a few weeks back he was telling me not to bother trying to help him control his alcohol abuse cause it was totally up to him to decide and do it. Now he’s too scared to be around any of us in case he lapses yet I’ve often abstained just to make it easier for him. Not drinking doesn’t worry me. I would’ve done it any time to help him so I don’t get why he’s shut me out.
I hid the leftover beer in his house one night a few weeks back cause his gf had vowed to tip it out the next morning if any was left and we’d ALL agreed this was John’s last bender anyway. The next morning came and John comes into my room yelling and screaming at me “Who do you think you are, my parent?” for trying to help him stop drinking. Now he’s cut me off as if I was part of the cause.
I’d fucking been off everything a while back for nearly 3 weeks and then he showed up at my door after a fight with his girl and that ended my abstinence. Thanks mate! Maybe this “breakup” is for the best for both of us, influence-wise, but we had all these wicked songs ready to go and a belief that we were about to go to the next level. I won’t hold it against him but it doesn’t seem fair and I’m sad to lose my good mate and jamming partner from The Jazz Cigarettes.
Suitable lyrics for this moment from the song “Circle” by Edie Brickell & the New Bohemians:
“Me, I’m a part of your circle of friends
and we notice you don’t come around
Me, I think it all depends on you
touching ground with us but
I quit, I give up, nothing’s good enough for anybody else
and I quit, I give up, nothing’s good enough for anybody else
And being alone is the best way to be
when I’m by myself it’s the best way to be
When I’m all alone it’s the best way to be
When I’m by myself, nobody else can say goodbye”
Funnily enough I was singing these lyrics to myself over and over recently during that last hike I took before Milly and I split up. It was obviously clear to me as it was to her, hoping for a relationship growing isn’t worth the hurt that comes when it doesn’t eventuate and you say goodbye. You can’t force it as much as you may like and want each other.
It’s ok. I think I’m learning TO BE and then this can all happen with someone else who is also complete. Time to do it!